Have you ever decided you were ready for a big breakthrough and, instead, found yourself in the middle of a big breakdown?

Maybe it looks like this. You’ve decided. You’re finally starting your business or writing your book or launching that new program.

You’ve been getting signs from the Universe that this IS the step to take in order to have that massive breakthrough. You’re excited. You’re committed. And you take that big step.

And, you fall flat on your face.

You struggle to find clients for your new business. Your book writing stalls. Your launch is failure.

What happened? Did you misread the signs? Were you not supposed to move forward after all? Why did your breakthrough turn into a breakdown?

Before you panic and throw in the towel, know this happens to a lot of us. In fact, if you went through my five-part series on why you can’t rush transformation, you already know when you’re in the middle of making big changes, it may get pretty rough.

One of my friends, Lisa Cherney, who is the Juicy Marketing Expert, calls it being in the wormhole. And, really, this breakdown can happen anytime during the transformation process.

So, why does it happen?

Before I can explain that, let’s go back and look at why transformation happens. There is a reason why you’re not taking action right now on your dreams, and it’s likely linked to you not wanting to feel whatever fear-based emotion is coming up when you try and work on your dreams. So, to avoid feeling that fear-based emotion, you avoid working on your dreams.

But, the real question is WHY are you feeling a fear-based emotion, such as fear, anxiety, worry, shame, guilt, grief, anger, resentment, etc. in the first place? 

Well, it likely can be traced back to some sort of wound or past trauma in your life. That wound is somehow linked to your dream or making yourself more of a success than you are.

If that wound is particularly deep, things are likely to get worse before they get better.

And one of the ways that shows up is it looks like you’re doing EVERYTHING right, and it’s still a big failure.

It sucks. It just does.

So, what do you do? Well, unfortunately, the only way out is through. Which means, you just need to keep feeling whatever it is that’s coming up, no matter how awful.

And, take good care of yourself. This is difficult work. Most people aren’t willing to sit in the fire of their emotions and let them move through them.

And, that’s why most people aren’t living their dreams.

I know when you’re in the middle of a breakdown, you certainly feel alone, but you’re not. All successful people have had to face their demons. And, quite honestly, how willing you are to walk through the fire of your emotions and face your shadows is probably the biggest indicator of how successful you’ll become.

Be gentle with yourself. Drink a lot of water, move your body, get plenty of sleep.

And, just know, when you’re on the other side, it will be worth it.

I’m just finishing up the last few things.

Alternating between the final items for packing, the final emails and reviewing the last few tasks I wanted to do before the big day.

I’m going away.
And I’m going to be off the grid.

I mean little or no wifi for most of the 9 days and I’m thrilled!

You see, we’re going to be on a boat, sailing around the coast of Turkey.

My biggest concern is the heat … and that the boys won’t kill each other in such a confined space. Though I’m sure they’ll be too busy for that and we can always throw someone overboard if necessary!

Seriously though, unplugged time with the family is rare.

We’re taking games… as we chose which ones I realized how long it’s been since I sat with them and played. And I’m taking my coloring book – it’s been ages since I did that too.

Day to day, busy with work and running the family and my travel schedule, it’s so easy to fall into the habit of devices – for me the phone, for the kids, the computer and their phones too.

we’re submerged in our devices.

I may be talking a different tune after 9 days being unplugged, but I’m guessing not.

I think we pay a big price for our connectivity. Wonderful as it may be, it’s easier to watch a video of someone else living their life or doing a stunt to attract attention, than to spend time with our loved ones and notice the expression in their face, the distraction in their eyes.

I’m hoping that we have a chance…
• To just be still and notice each other.
• To talk about the passing waves and the scenery.
• To rediscover each persons special kind of humor.
• To get a little irritated and bored with each other.
• To laugh over stupid stuff.
• To eat undisturbed by a notification or a phone call.
• To sleep when it gets dark and wake up when it’s light.
• I’m thrilled. And I’ll be back soon to share what happened!

When was the last time you really unplugged?

What do you imagine when you think of the word commitment?

Is it the person you’ve chosen to spend your life with? Or those you’ve decided not to?

Is it the trainer in the gym who has you work to a fierce program to get you fit and healthy?

Is it the kids that you feed, clothe and educate? Or the parent you call in to, phone or take care of?

Perhaps it’s the community you live in or the church/synagogue you pay membership to?

Is it the food you chose to eat, the diet you follow?

So how about a little test.

Write a list of all the things you are committed to.

I wonder how long your list is. When I first tried this, my list was very long indeed. It included all the values and ideals that I’d held my entire life. And I’m guessing other people’s values and choices too.

Because, you see, there’s a second part of this exercise.

Go through your list of commitments and put a tick before all of those commitments that you have taken action upon in the last week.

Have you eaten healthily, gone to church, taken time to sit with your kids while doing their homework or study project? Have you met up with your community or participated in an activity that aligns with your commitment list.

If the answer is yes, to your entire list, wow! And well done.

For most of us, the list is a lot shorter once you notice what your actions prove.

And that was certainly the case for me.

I liked the idea that I was committed to all kinds of things but my actions proved that I simply was not.

So I decided to turn over a new leaf – perhaps you’d like to too.

To make the list of commitments a lot shorter, but to really live these commitments.

It makes life a lot simpler and more empowered. You see when you think and feel that you’re committed to tons of things and yet never find time to do anything about it, it’s unsettling.

And you can end up feeling guilty all the time.

There’s this total lack of alignment between your thinking, your desires and your actions. It’s draining.

I’ve been reconsidering my commitments over the last few weeks. You see, while I’ve taken on some great new projects and been super busy, I’ve missed out on some stuff that I believe I’m committed to.

So I’ve had to ask myself some hard questions.

What am I truly committed to? And where can I create actions so that this alignment feels true.

And here’s what I’ve come up with.

Firstly, writing. For nearly 10 years, I’ve written a story for this blog every single Tuesday. But over the last 6 months I’ve let it slip. You see, first it was my book proposal, then it was work overload. So I started questioning my commitment. I can happily report that I am still committed to this and will get back on track. I don’t promise every Tuesday as religiously as I’ve done in the past, but I will write at least 2-3 times per month (and still send interesting resources to you as they come by me…).

Secondly, health and fitness. I’m back on track for more regular exercise. Always hard to keep up with my travel and work schedules, but no more excuses, I’m back.

So what are you committed to right now?

He moved his computer over and made some space so I could squeeze in beside him. It’s been a while since we sat side by side in the coffee shop. I was happy for the chance to catch up.

Truth is, the conversations with him often inspire me to write about. He’s so bright and smart and has a way of seeing things that is always fresh. I guess that’s why he’s an entrepreneur!

I asked about his latest project and he began to explain all about it. The spark returned to his eye and his energy peaked as he spoke about the potential of what he in trying to figure out. I loved to seem him so focused and happy, it hasn’t always been easy – we’ve shared the ups and downs together many times over the last few years.

As he completed talking about his project he said, well you know Lisa, more than most, the ups and downs, the challenges and joys of this world, right?

I remember how a few years ago, I came into the coffee shop, and felt like I was just days away from throwing it all in. Giving it all up and getting a job. And it’s happened several times over the last 8 years since I started out in all this.

On this particular day I just couldn’t hide it. He immediately picked up on my energy. What’s up? he asked. I told him about the promotion that had failed, the course that I wasn’t going to be able to run because not enough people had signed up. How I had been planning it for months and had invested tons of time and resources into it. How I was so disappointed and just didn’t know what I would do next. I was nearly in tears.

He listened. He told me, yeah that’s really tough. I’m so sorry to hear this.

He didn’t try to tell me everything would be okay. Or to convince me that it’s not as bad as it feels. He just heard me.

I didn’t give up that time.

You know why I didn’t give up then….? Maybe you can relate to some of the reasons….

1. …because I truly believed in what I do…
2. I knew that I can help people and make their work and their lives more meaningful…
3. I’d put in so much time and effort, I wasn’t ready to throw it all away…
4. I had people around me (even just one or two) who knew what I was going through and we’re there to listen…..
5. I made the decision to reach out to others, to ask for help and to take their guidance – and that’s what really helped every time.

Not just when I felt like quitting but at every point in my entrepreneurial journey when I’ve felt disappointed or disheartened, when I’ve had worries and concerns, when the unexpected happened, or uncertainty felt crippling.

These have been the guiding principles for me. What keeps you going?