Here are 7 steps of communication, if applied, will allow you to develop your communication skills that can make you a master communicator. Communication can be likened to a step by step process of checking if you really understand another person from your point of view.
First, you need to listen and observe for the level of importance of this topic to the person you are speaking to and calibrate to that person’s level of interest. Calibration is so important when communicating, that if you are unable to calibrate or identify whether or not that person is interested, you might just lose that person straight away.
Second, check congruence in communication. What do I mean by congruence? It means that if he says, “Yes.” verbally, he shouldnot be shaking his head, “No.” That is incongruence.
Number three is to identify incongruence in communication. We need to clarify meanings and terminologies used. This is for a simple fact that we need to understand what the other person means exactly.
Number four, we need to confirm those meanings. So, if someone said, “Oh! When you look at me, you appear to be extremely angry.”What you need to do is to confirm, “Oh! How exactly do I look atyou that mean that I am angry?” The confirmation actually gets you the common understanding that both of you need that will propel your communication to the next level.
Number five, explore alternative meanings. What you are doing hereis eliciting a series of counter examples, to see whether thesemeanings fit in with the person’s model of the world.
Number six, offers possibilities. If there are no alternatemeanings, what you might want to do is explore possibilities where one thing could mean something else. This is also known as reframing.
Number seven, summarize your personal experience in communicating with this other person, by starting off and saying, “My experience of you is” and so on. This way, both of you understand each other,and nothing is hidden from each other. It is perfectly honest and direct.
We say that communication is a two way process. This means that communication requires clarity to both parties. Until you understand what I am saying, or until I construct my communicationin a way that makes you understand me, we need to ask questionseven more effectively to reach our win-win outcome. These 7 steps are useful and can be applied anytime we are communicating with another person.
