“When we come to the edge of all the light we have
And must take a step into the darkness of the unknown
We must believe one of two things
Either we will find something firm to stand on
Or, we will be taught to fly.”
by Patrick Overton Copyright © 1975 The Leaning Tree,
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Life happens when you’ve made other plans?” How often do you set your sights on a specific objective and goal, only to have your best intentions go awry? Things don’t always go the way you planned or hoped. Life…
When things seem to hit bumps or create undesirable experiences, how do you respond? Do you roll up your sleeves and focus on how to best dance with the situation to learn and grow? Or do you begin a downward spiral into your victim, feeling fear, overwhelm, a sense of defeat or depression?
I’ve always considered myself to be an optimistic, upbeat person. And yet, when life throws me an unexpected curve, my initial response can dip into the negative pretty fast especially when it requires me to do things I have never done before. I hear my small inner child cry, “I can’t do it! It’s too hard. I don’t know how. I don’t want to. What if I fail?” I can feel myself shifting into feeling like a victim in seconds.
Breathing, getting present, re-centering, and using my healing tools helps me to shift my energies and focus so I can feel my courage and power return.
We all have the capacity to shrink from our courage and power when we forget who we are. Our minds race in with worse case scenarios and what ifs as our imaginations run wild. Our egos create elaborate stories and dramas that cause us to feel at risk and frightened. We believe what we imagine as if it were real and certain. We collect evidence from the past as proof that life is unfair, unsafe, and painful. We expect the worst rather than expecting the best.
When we are in the throes of panic and dread, it can feel like you’re on a runaway train or drowning as you struggle to “get rid of the thoughts and feelings”. The key is moving through the experience rather than trying to avoid the pain and discomfort or taking up residence and making that situation the story of your life!
Every life experience offers a healing a growth opportunity. What you resist, persists.
Life is a journey of courage. Each day brings new experiences that create opportunities to say YES to who we are meant to be.
A new favorite mantra of mine is, “I am always safe. It is only change.”
No matter what is happening, one power you always retain is how you choose to show up to life. Your attitude is entirely up to you. In every moment, you choose your attitude. If you think you don’t, that’s where your victim steps in.
What makes identifying with a victim so compelling?
Some of the benefits of being a victim
- Feeling owed or entitled to something
- No personal accountability, responsibility or expectations
- The right to blame, complain, judge, and criticize
- “Poor me” gains support, pity, and sympathy
- Don’t have to show up
- Use of excuses, rationalizations, and reasons to avoid life situations
- Deny your potential to play small and hide out from life experiences
- Illusion of safety from hurt and upset
The irony is that staying in our victim causes us to experience a life full of pain and constriction. It’s a way many people become spectators of life rather than active participants and deliberate creators. Desiring more and feeling imprisoned by old fears, beliefs and habits that keep us stuck in the past while we long for a brighter future.
Who are your heroes?
Are there people in your life who model courage?
They may be people you see as heroes with qualities you wish to emulate. They might be people you personally know, public or historical figures that are alive or dead, religious or spiritual representations….
Consider the qualities they possess that you admire and respect: natural abilities, values, strengths, skills talents and gifts.
- What qualities do they have that you might be denying in yourself?
- In what ways are you suppressing or denying your own inner hero?
- How would you and your life change if you embodied your inner hero?
- What qualities do you share that you are open, ready, and willing to embrace within yourself?
- What innate qualities and abilities would strengthen your faith, trust, and courage?
During the course of your life, you will take on many roles and identities that become part of who you believe yourself to be. You might view certain parts of yourself with disdain and others with positive appreciation. Each part has served you in ways to help you thrive or survive.
Your life is a journey of faith, trust and courage; to claim the life you were born to. To be whole, you must embrace all parts of yourself with love and compassion, inviting the best of who you are to emerge and integrate as you awaken and evolve.
