It is Just Feedback – Part 2
I recently did a blog post called It is Just Feedback. This article received more comments than any article I wrote. I am not talking about blog comments but actual phone calls and email from people saying things like:
“I finally get it…”
“I connected the dots…”
“Thank you, I get it now…”
After the comments, I received the same questions over and over and I want to address it here. The question in all its various forms is this, “How do create the mindset that it is just feedback. How do I not take it personally?”
A very good question. I will provide an answer that some of you will not want to hear. Before I do, let me create an example we can use to provide some context.
“I love what I do but I am afraid to pick up the phone. When I finally talk with someone, I know I can help them but I am so afraid of rejection I get afraid just thinking of picking up the phone.”
Does that sound like you?
If we were together I would use a simple technique to reframe that experience because it does not matter where it came from or how long it has been with you. YOU CAN CHANGE. I use a simple swish technique on me. I see the fear, big and bright and I move the picture to a small black and white picture off in the distance. I then create a new picture of what I want to feel. I then replace the negative picture with the new picture by switching them. I create a picture of a client who is so happy with what they achieve in working with me and how good I feel knowing I was able to help them. I then switch the picture of rejection and replace it with the feeling of happiness, knowing I helped someone.
After doing this a few time, I am thinking about how I can help the next person I want to call and I successfully replaced the fear of rejection with feeling of satisfaction.
This is important, stop moving away from pain and start moving toward your desired outcome. Stop thinking of how people will reject you and start thinking about how you are moving toward your desired outcome. Are you helping them change their lives? Are you moving toward a financial goal? Focus on the outcome and not the rejection. Stop thinking about what you do not want.
This can be difficult because as human being, we tend to take the path of least resistance. It is easier to move away from pain then it is to move towards something we want. Why, because most of us are afraid to define what we want. It takes some work? It takes a bit of risk? It is always easier to take the path of least resistance.
BTW, it is very easy to determine what we want. Just write down what you don’t want and think of the opposite. It I do not want to be poor that means I want wealth. If I fear rejection that means I want acceptance.
Focus on what you want – not on what you do not want. Learn the skill necessary to move forward. If you find you pick the wrong goal, that’s ok. Think of what you learned and how much closer you are. Try again.
