Category: Work Life

A few weeks ago I was my way to an early morning client meeting.

I had successfully navigated the demands of my kids, my dog and the early morning traffic and was making good time!

I was listening to the radio and gently thinking about the two meetings later that day and my upcoming business trip.

In an instant my thoughts shifted, as they do.  I began to think about my car.  We had been trying to sell it for quite some time.  It had been advertised but there was very little interest.  Anyone that saw the car seemed to lose interest even more.  It has a few bumps and bruises on it!

As I drove down the highway, I thought, if only we didn’t have all those bumps and dents on the car.  I thought, someone would want to buy the car if it looked better.  I though, it’s those bumps and dents, I wish we didn’t have them.  Those dents were getting all my attention.

The traffic had become heavy as I neared the big junction.  I pulled into the clear left lane in order to approach the turn.  As my mind traced the parts of the car that were imperfect, a woman pulled out of her lane into mine, without looking.

I slammed on the brakes but it was too late.  I was going too fast, she was too close.  We crashed.

Guess what, another big dent on my car.

I thought, isn’t it amazing what we manifest!

And how that works in business too but only 100% of the time!

When I think about what’s not working in my business, more things seem to go wrong.  When I focus on what I haven’t yet done, I feel like I get even less finished.

But when I think about what I have achieved and what’s working, I definitely get more better results.

Yes, it’s the law of attraction.  And yes, it works.

What we focus on truly grows.

I’ve seen evidence of this for years, in every part of my life and business.

Chances are you have too, unless you’re not paying attention.

What you focus on grows.

But it’s up to you to come up with the evidence.  You see our mind finds evidence is everything according to what we believe.

When you are believing the negative story, your mind finds all the reasons to justify that world view.

When you start creating and focusing on a positive version of you and your business, you will find more than enough proof to really believe that thought.

It’s all about the story you choose to turn into reality.

I guess next time I’m out on the highway, I’ll be dreaming up the great buyer for my car and the perfect replacement that I’ll get.  Let’s see how that manifests!!!

2013 has been a good year for me. I introduced many new products, created new relationships, and had a total knee replacement. I learned much and as I reflect back I want to share the top 10 learning’s I experienced. As you plan your goals, dreams and aspirations for next year, I thought I would share some lessons early in the hope you will think differently about personal growth, wealth and health going into 2014.

10. Life planning as well as business planning is essential. Create a life plan and get really focused on what is important, what makes you happy, and what provides peace of mind. Life is an experience to be lived and not a lesson to be learned.

9.   I like learning. It does not matter what it is. I realized it is important to me to bring value to every relationship and I give away too much. Not sure I want to change this too much.

8.   People who get both knees replaced (AT THE SAME TIME) impress me, I think. I know how much work it was to recover from one knee replacement, I could not image doing two at the same time!

7.   I now see the medical industry as a customer service organization. The positive service I experienced, at the hospital was extraordinary; from the nurses to the nutritionist to the physical therapist was incredible. Made the whole stay that much more pleasant and I believe my recovery time faster.

6.   I realized the value of good friends. Several stepped up to help out when I was in the hospital. I was amazed and impressed that people would be so open and sharing with their time, talent and money. What was really cool was I did not have to ask!

5.   One of our dogs died this year. The other became very depressed. It is very clear to me they need company and create deep relationships that benefit all.

4.   I love being greeted so warmly by my dog when I come home. I will take time and allow him to greet me when I walk in the door and I will greet them with the same level of love and enthusiasm (this was on the list last year.)

3.   Honesty, integrity and common sense make me tick. I love business and personal relationships with people where I know what makes them tick. I want to know what is important to you. I can always get better at communicating my intent and cultivating valuable relationships. Some people will love you and some won’t. Some feel it is ok to criticize because they can do it anonymously and no one will know. Relationships can be difficult. Always give them the benefit of the doubt and trust that when the time is right, things will be ok.

2.    Nothing is as valuable as your health. Having experienced a number of health challenges with a new knee make me aware of how I value mobility, sleep and activity. It is amazing how my attitude got better when the body feels better. Enough sleep is essential to great health and a positive attitude.

1.    Getting back to “my why.” For years I had a strong spiritual practice. I got away from it due to family obligations, business challenges and other reason. I changed and my spiritual practices did not change as I changed. I will implement practices that keep me grounded and focused on what is important. When the “why” is clear, life gets easy.

Bonus Lesson: The same challenge will keep showing up in your life until you learn the lesson life is presenting to you.  You would have thought that I would have learned that by now!

Another bonus lesson: Be Grateful. Share your gratitude.

Happy New Year

Has your to-do list grown overnight?

Yes, it’s “the most wonderful time of the year”…and yet many of us miss the wonder of it all due to the overwhelm at work that accompanies the holidays.

Here are 3 ways to cure your holiday overwhelm at work starting today:

Focus on Positive Strengths

From Madison Avenue to Your Street, you are shoved toward an impending sense of lack during the holidays. This scarcity mentality afflicts you at work as well, shifting your focus to the negative.

Today, make a list of what’s going well with your business right now. Jot some notes about the strengths of 2013. Include percentage growth of revenue, significant product developments, additional team members, customer problems solved, and new referral relationships.

Begin your work day by reading over this list. This single strategy pivots your mindset from negative—what I don’t have—to positive—what we’re doing well. Since you see what you’re looking for, you will add to your list daily as you discover more positive strengths.

Focus on Positive Situations

Overwhelm produces anxiety which shuts down our strategic ability to focus on positive situations. We see Mt. Everest in its entirety instead of the first step that leads to the second step which gets you to the summit. Rather than focusing on what you can do, you shut down because you can’t do it all at once.

Today, make a list of what you can do. Think of these as positive situations from which you leverage the kind of forward motion your business wants to reach your goals. Focus on this list and prioritize it. Pick one activity and do something to check it off. Keep building on the positive momentum you gain from this activity and move forward some more.

As you achieve more, your focus on these positive situations sharpens like a laser. You discover more positive situations and your attitude shifts from overwhelm to accomplishment.

Focus on Positive Signals

Overwhelm emerges during the holidays more as a reaction to the realization that the year is about to end than anything else. You reflect on what wasn’t done, how little time you have left to do it, and the impending sense that it’ll be undone as you begin 2013.

Honestly evaluate what you accomplished toward your 2013 goals now. Strategically act on the positive situations you can now using your positive strengths accrued through the year. Determine what barriers prevented further growth.

Then assess the positive signals emerging as 2013 nears completion that will serve as your springboard to positive growth in 2014. What are the positive strengths? What are the positive situations? How do these project positive signals in 2014?

Focusing on these positive signals gives you excited anticipation for the upcoming new year, curing the holiday overwhelm, and helping you truly enjoy this most wonderful time of the year!

About the Author:

Dr. Joey Faucette is the #1 Amazon best-selling author of Work Positive in a Negative World (Entrepreneur Press), coach, and speaker who helps business professionals increase sales with greater productivity so they can leave the office earlier to do what they love with those they love. Discover more at www.ListentoLife.org.

Have you ever wished the ground would open up and swallow you?

Did you ever want to run away and hide?

Have you ever thought; this moment is one I just want to forget ever happened?

It’s pretty common, yet quite unbearable.

I had offered to tell a story.  I stood up in front of close to 100 people and the energy was all wrong.  I suppose it was a combination of family dynamics (it was an extended family event), unclear expectations (they were waiting for the meal to be served!) and alcohol (them not me!)

Whatever the reasons, I bombed.  Totally!  I wanted to crawl under the carpet, I wanted to simply disappear.

The truth is, even as I write this, I feel uncomfortable.

But I’m glad it happened.

No, this is not some kind of vindictive, family pay-back!

It’s not a professional death-wish.

It is, in fact, a reminder of our vulnerability.

We are never completely immune to totally screwing up and it’s good to remember that!

If I get too blasé before a webinar or too confident before a business meeting, I reckon it’s tempting the gods.

Of course, I don’t belief I’ll be struck down in some way.

I’ll end up striking myself down.

I’ll make mistakes and I won’t give enough of myself to actually do the work and get the job done as well as I can.

If I don’t have to make an effort to really show up then I’m not really present.

When I go on stage or speak in front of a group (yes, even a small one!) I get nervous.

Sometimes, I get VERY nervous.  And I’m delighted that it happens.

You see, the minute I stop getting nervous before I speak, I’ll get worried.  If I’m not nervous, then I’ll know that I’m not giving my best.

If I’m not even nervous then clearly I’m not challenging myself to get out of my comfort zone and really serve others.

So when I start feeling mildly uncomfortable.  When I start feeling the usual butterflies in my stomach and a kind of intense focus and sensitivity to everything around me, then I know I’m nearly ready.

I know that this is the state, for me, that gets me out of my safety zone and really striving to serve.  This is that way I can totally show up, to contribute and add value.

I’m not comfortable talking about my failures, but I have to.

As a reformed (maybe reforming!!) perfectionist, it’s not fun admitting my many mistakes, but I have to.

That’s the real world.  It’s the playground where we get to really live.  It’s the only way to learn and grow and keep developing.

Isn’t that what life’s all about?

Your palms are sweating

Your heart is pounding

You have a knot in the pit of your stomach

You have something you want or need to say to someone and you fear their response

It might be to:

• Clear the air about a misunderstanding
• Set a boundary
• Speak up for yourself
• Challenge someone to take responsibility for something
• Say no to a request
• Ask for an apology or make amends
• Reveal a secret
• Position yourself in a more visible way in your business
• Ask for the sale….

There are a number of situations that can ignite so much fear and discomfort that you just want to run away or ignore the situation. You might think you’d rather have a root canal that face whatever person or situation you’d like to avoid and yet…there it is.

A client of mine, I’ll call Ann, is having marital problems. She’s been on a path of personal transformation for many years and has become more comfortable in her own skin, being true to who she knows herself to be. Her husband has been in and out of counseling. Each time he comes close to breaking through some blocks, he stops and buries himself in his work.

Several months ago Ann got honest with her husband about some things she had been withholding for quite some time. She’d been afraid to talk to him because her husband has a  strong personality and is very good at verbal retaliation and turning things back on her. She finally gathered the courage and strength to fess up to some things that had been upsetting her. In fact all of her pent up feelings came tumbling out of her mouth. Splat.

Her husband felt like she had just dropped a bomb on him and he fell apart. He thought things were fine. Now, they are both back in counseling to see how their marriage can be saved.

Why are we so afraid and uncomfortable to face situations head on with others so we can clear the air and potentially resolve conflicts that can result in a stronger, more intimate, and trusting relationship – whether it is a marriage, friendship, or even a business relationship?

Common reasons and excuses we use to talk ourselves out of speaking up:

• Maybe I’m making too much of this. (minimizing)
• I’ll say something the next time it happens. It’s too late to talk about it now. (avoidance)
• It’s not such a big deal. (discounting, diminishing)
• It won’t change things anyway. In fact, it will probably make things worse so why bother? It’s not worth it. (rationalizing)

We expect, imagine, and anticipate

• The other person can’t handle what I have to say. They will take it personally, be hurt or offended.
• They will judge, criticize, tease me or make me the bad guy (again)
• They won’t understand, agree, or really hear me
• They might get angry and stop liking/loving me
• I’ll be abandoned emotionally, physically, or spiritually
• I’ll be punished in some way
• I’ll lose my composure and get too emotional
• I won’t say it right
• I’ll look, sound, or feel like an idiot

The anticipation alone of what you negatively imagine might happen can scare you into silence! And, if you have had past experiences that have gone poorly, you’ve probably collected lots of evidence as to why keeping your mouth shut might be a good idea.

Stuffing feelings in silence  doesn’t just disappear inside and go away. There isn’t a rug big enough to sweep things under that will stay hidden indefinitely. If we aren’t able to release pain and upset to come to a place of peace inside, the energy we use to keep all the feelings wrapped up tightly will either erupt in ways we regret, manifest illness, or create psychological problems. That’s why Ann blew. She couldn’t contain her pain and anger any longer.

What she didn’t initially realize is the person she was most upset with was herself, even though she understood why she had gone along with things silently. Now she is making peace within herself as she works on her marriage. The better you come to know who you are both as a human and spiritual being, the harder it becomes to ignore when you feel mis-aligned with your Self.

Tips to create a positive conversation:

1. You are 100% responsible for how and what you think, feel and do – how you show up and you express yourself, verbally and non-verbally. That includes making amends to others when they are appropriate. I usually know what I need to do that because I experience inner turmoil and lots of negative self-talk. You may feel that what you said or did was your truth and make amends about how you said or did something. You are not 100% responsible for how people interpret what you say, think, feel and do – they are.

Stirring things up can open pathways for healing and growth to occur. That is one of the ways we are in service to each other – by having the courage to show up authentically and invite others to do the same without an attachment to whether they can or will.

2. Taking time to sort out your feelings and resolve your own issues prior to having a conversation will invite the best possible outcome. Using techniques such as journaling, meditating, stepping back, venting with someone safe, talking with a coach or counselor can be extremely benefit to get perspective and open your heart.

3. Center yourself in love and light. Send love and blessings to the other person in advance.  Intentionally shift into curiosity and openness. Having empathy for the other person will help you speak and listen with love and compassion. In the past when I have been nervous about conversations, I sat down, closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths and prayed to God, “My voice, your words” , with the intention to speak with love. I have found that prayerful request always seemed to bring the right words from my heart and conversations went well.

4. Let go of attachment to the outcome and hold the intention for the conversation to bring healing. Releasing expectations, motives, and agendas allow the experience to naturally flow and unfold.  Create the space for each of you to speak your truth with taking it personal. Stay in “I” statements – I think, I feel, I understand, I appreciate... rather than “you” statements which feel accusatory.

5. Some conversations do not need to occur. The situation might feel unsafe or untimely. Emulating the qualities of Unconditional Love can be powerfully healing in relationships and shifts can manifest spontaneously. Knowing the difference between eliminating or delaying a conversation and when you are in avoidance can be tricky. The better you know yourself the more able you will be to discern right action. Use your close circle of friends for help you gain clarity if you are unsure or untrusting about your perspective.

For additional help in dealing with conflicts, check out my article post on A Model For Conflict Resolution

Relationships are the foundation of our life experiences. We are all part of a shared consciousness that connects us to each other, whether we realize it or not. Some of the greatest opportunities to heal and evolve come through painful and uncomfortable experiences. They stretch us, kick us in the butt, make us squirm, and invite us to step into the next and highest version of our soul’s intention.

Does that mean you always speak your mind no matter how it comes out?

Does it mean you impose your thoughts and feelings on other regardless of whether it is welcome? Noooooooooooooooo.

Having healthy, loving relationships involves being vulnerable, willing, and open to share your heart with another even when it is uncomfortable or scary. It is through our conflicts that we test the strength  and truth of our relationships. Sharing compassion, forgiveness, and unconditional love for “our humanness” fosters trust and safety because we want to know that people will stick around when we screw up or when things get tough. And, it is up to us to stick around for the people and things we love and value.

How you show up in the world is up to you. How you live and speak your truth is your choice and your responsibility in honoring yourself and others. I believe that when we have the guts to be real even if it creates friction, we are truly in loving service to another person’s growth and healing.