Category: Success Attitude

We all have those days that challenge us to stay centered, optimistic, productive and connected to ourselves. Perhaps the day seems to be going well and something happens that puts a damper on the entire day! Our attitudes can be affected by people and situations that cause us to have a “good or bad day.”

To help shift things into perspective, I encourage my clients to create a “rough day or rough moment” strategy.

Developing your strategy – what are the specific elements to consider?

Who and what are your attitude shifters? Make a list.

1. Connecting with people who lift your spirits. Getting together with specific friends, colleagues, family?

2. What brings you joy, peace, and makes you smile? Reading a great book, having a massage, watching a movie, watching Ellen DeGeneres, going out to lunch or dinner with friends…

3. What practices help you to decompress? Meditation, reading something inspirational, taking a walk in nature, soothing music, playing with your children or pet…?

4. Creating something? Writing, doing something artistic, building something
original…

5. Being in service to another? Being generous with your time, energy,money….to help someone else?
The next time you find yourself having a one of those days or moments, I encourage you to feel whatever you’re feeling. Stay mindful of making your feelings more than they need to be so that you are not censoring yourself and stuffing them. Vent and release whatever you need to express without having it become the place “you
live.”

Next, tap into your rough day strategy. Using this tool invites you to expand your viewpoint by first shifting your attitude. From a wider lens of perception, decisions can be made to either feel good or bad based on how we choose to view the situation; problems can shift to opportunities and solutions, stress can be transformed into renewed energy…get the picture?

PS. Remember that you will receive benefit from a valuable tool ONLY if you use it!

I’ve always loved the Indiana Jones movies. My all time favorite is Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. When the lastest one came out – Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I raced to the movies with high hopes it would be great. After waiting almost 20 years since the last one, I left the movie with a smile. Watching Harrison Ford’s character brilliantly battle his way through seemingly impossible situations and triumphing over his adversaries is not only entertaining, I’m also inspired.

We see Harrison Ford appear as a bookish, mild mannered professor teaching archeology to University student and watch him transform into his Indiana Jones persona with his trademark clothing, hat and bullwhip. The hero of the story had appeared to save the day!
Here are some things Indiana Jones can teach us about courage:

1. Adapt and improvise. In each movie Indie seems to be caught in impossible situations and almost killed dozens on times. (Yes we know he’s the hero and meant to survive, or….maybe not????) Do we see him flinch in fear and resign himself to his doom? No way. His mind races for options and solutions as he improvises and adapts, signaling the invitation for his companions to join with him. His resilience and courage helps him to be victorious.

How often do you retreat and give up when things look bleak and seemingly impossible? Do you have the courage to say, “oh yeah – I don’t accept that” and invite your creative nature to kick in. Do you engage the support of others to be a part of innovative solutions?

2. Stand up and fight for what you believe in. With his trademark hat and bullwhip in hand, archeologist and adventurer Indie stands up to the German army, the Russians, and the Thuggee to defend and save the people he cares about and to protect precious artifacts from falling into the wrong hands. With a strong moral and ethical code, he is steadfast in staying true to his values and who he is despite the temptations and dangers.

How far would you go to protect and defend the people and things you value most? What would you be willing to overcome to champion yourself? What would you say no to or yes to in order to remain true to who you are?

3. Things are not always what they seem. One scene that consistently stands out in my mind that has left the most vivid impression is in my favorite – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. I’ve heard many people refer to the same scene because of it’s symbology and inspiration. Indie stands on the edge of the mountain looking across a crevice to the doorway to another mountain. He must cross to the other side to find the Holy Grail so that he can save Sean Connery’s life. He must take a leap of faith. He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and puts one foot out into nothingness and a wooden plank appears beneath his feet so that he can cross to the other side safely. WOW. What a powerful metaphor!

Are you willing to take a leap of faith without knowing the outcome? Would you surrender and trust because everything inside you says, “Go for it! Do it,” even it if seems crazy?

At a recent networking meeting, I had the opportunity to hear Pernille Spiers-Lopez speak.

Danish born, Pernille immigrated to the United States about 26 years ago as a young woman. After a few jobs that didn’t pan out for her, she found herself working in the Marketplace at Ikea, an international home furnishings retail chain originating from Sweden. Rising quickly through the company, Pernille was vaulted to becomePresident of Ikea North America in 1997. An innovator and change advocate, she shared that her rise to success and personal life satisfaction was tremendously aided by her commitment to her spiritual and personal growth journey.

I had the privilege to be seated at her table with a small group and immediately recognized a kindred spirit. While she delivered her speech, I sat there and grinned as she echoed many of the things I continually talk and write about.

Here are the keys to success she spoke about:

1. Know your values – what you stand for. Live your life in alignment with your values so that you are being true to who you are.

2. Grow yourself as a person; invest in yourself and your people. As a result of changes she initiated at Ikea that were employee supportive, the chain has shown increases in profits and employee retention. Personally, she credits her own consciousness journey as adding more joy and peace to her life as well as helping her to be an effective leader.

3. Be courageous. As President of Ikea, she initiated multiple company changes that dramatically increased employee retention including: addressing flexibility needs, creating a “quiet room” for nursing mothers, and substantially increasing the number of women and minorities in management She spoke quite a bit about being willing to trust herself in her choices and actions. Knowing who she is gives her courage to make the tough and easier decisions as a leader, wife and mother with compassion and strength.

4. Surround yourself with good people. In addition to building a strong workforce, she mentioned her participation in two business groups gives her additional support in being successful.

5. Embrace innovation and change. She sees possibilities and improvement in the experience of change to be inviting rather than fearing the unknown. Attitude affects how we view things – as a positive or a negative; compelling or repelling. With all of the positive innovations she has initiated at work, she commented with a small laugh that her teams have asked her not to make any more big changes this year. Her pride in what she has accomplished as a leader at Ikea was evident.

6. Be passionate. What makes you feel the most alive, calls to your heart, and brings you the most joy? She acknowledged how her passion fuels her courage and willingness to show up.

7. Take a stand for what you believe in no matter if it’s an unpopular position or meets resistance. Trust in yourself and inner knowing without wavering when you feel solidly clear about something you believe in. Hold onto that power without giving it away to others. Her passion and trust in her instincts and abilities empowers her to stand strong as a leader. She stated she is not afraid to stand up for her values and fight for what she believes is right.

8. Set personal and business boundaries. With her busy schedule, Pernille clearly states that when she’s at work, she is fully focused on the demands of her job. She works 8-5, has no Blackberry, and turns her cell phone off when she’s at home. What keeps her strong is listening to her body and her intuition while having strong work-life balance boundaries. She’s learned to separate her work and home life so that she can be fully present to what matters most in her life.

Do you realize that when you speak, move or look at people in a particular way, you actually trigger off certain judgments?

Are you aware that the manner in which you speak, the body languageor posture you take on affect the people around you, and this could put you in unpleasant situations, especially in situations when people interpret your communication incorrectly.

Doing so breaks the rapport we have with others, sabotaging our communication in the process. Being aware of our language and mannerisms, we can learn how to use them effectively for the purpose of building rapport with others.

In fact, if you were to walk into a restaurant and observe people, couples especially, you will be able to tell the difference between couples who are in very close rapport with each other and couples who have been married for a long time. We just simply need to observe their body language.

For instance, if the woman is leaning forward, it is very likely that she would be in rapport with her partner, and he would be leaning forward too. The uncanny harmony makes them somewhat like mirror images to each other. And very often when one starts to move, the other also moves, making the entire communication process looks like a dance of harmony.

Their body postures look very similar too. Have you seen a couple’s photograph? Take a close look at their facial expressions. Many couples tend to look a lot like each other, this is reflected themost in their smile and eyes.

This happens probably because due to the intimate contact they have had over the years, leading to a lot of unconscious modeling of each party.

Do you know of anyone who owns a pet? Most of the time, the pet somehow takes on the features of its owner, sometimes physically, sometimes in terms of their behavior.

Think about your close group of friends. I am certain you hear similar language, phrases or opinions in a social gathering. You probably share similar mannerisms, interests and even values. The more similarities you have, the greater in rapport you tend to be. These few examples boil down to one interesting fact; All of us tend to like things that are similar to ourselves.

Thus, the primary principle in rapport building is to create similarity. Similarity leads to trust, and trust leads to an open flow of communication. What results is a positive feeling of being in the company of someone you like. There are certain patterns of behavior that occur naturally in the process of communication and rapport.

Thus it is actually very easy to build rapport with other people once we understand how to use these patterns.

“Life’s weather is but temporary. It’s the seasons that really matter. Finding balance in the storm. Life” – Anon

Do you find yourself spiraling downward when something happens that you find upsetting? If you say yes, it’s not usual. Many people feel happy when something happens that they want or like and fell unhappy when something unwanted occurs.

Here’s an example:

A few years ago I was in a car accident. I had just left my house and I had a few errands to run locally. I admit I tend to drive fast and I noticed the two cars ahead of me had come to a stop. The lead car was waiting for traffic to clear in order to make a left turn. I quickly applied my brakes and saw I would be able to stop safely as I checked my rearview mirror to see who was behind me. It was evident to me that the car behind was also going too fast and was going to hit me. The impact was strong enough to push me across the opposing lane of traffic bounce off of a guardrail before I was able to stop the car.

You might say, “Boy Lorraine, not a good day!” I agree that it wasn’t what I wanted my day to be.

The downside? My car was fully paid for and, a week before had undergone major maintenance work. The accident totaled my car.

Some immediate blessings? I was bruised and unhurt and I could have been killed. Apparently, when I was hit and pushed across the road, the lead car had finally made the left turn because there was no traffic. I called a healer friend who came immediately and met me at the hospital (where I was checked out for any injuries). My chiropractor opened his office to do a session.

When I returned home, my spirits were low and I could have begun feeling sorry for myself and bemoan the ramifications of having to get a new car, etc. It was a perfect invitation for my mood to start plummeting. Instead I chose to look at the experience from a wider lens.

Here are 7 ways to shift your mood to a better place:

1. Gratitude. Focusing on all you have in your life is an immediate mood shifter. Honor the losses that might be part of any circumstance and allow your viewpoint to expand in appreciation for all the riches you have that truly matters.

2. Interrupt negative self-talk and choose a better thought to put your attention. Notice where your thoughts are focused. What stories and dramas are you creating? Are they serving to help you feel better or worse? If you’re unable to let the stories go and dramas go immediately, exaggerate it BIG. Really act it out and play with it so that it becomes absurd. It might even become funny! Click here to read my article on dealing with negative self-talk. Take a stand and choose to put your attention on a better feeling thought.

3. Accept what happened. Dwelling on the past and ruminating on the details only adds more stress and upset. What we resist, persists. The more we struggle against our unwanted life circumstances the more power we give our unhappiness to affect our present moments. It is what it is. Each moment is temporary and gives birth to the next. Acceptance opens the door to…

4. Look for the blessings. Every situation is a healing and growth opportunity. Asking questions like: What are the gifts from this experience? (Focus on the gratitude). What can I learn from this situation? Recognize everything happens for a reason even if it appears to make no logical sense. Approaching life from this perspective invites greater ease and flow. Looking through the eyes of the Victim or the Champion/Hero/Creator is a choice. Seeing your life experience with appreciations invites possibilities to unfold.

5. Ask for help. Reach out to your circle of friends if you need an ear, a hug, a boost or a kick in the butt to get yourself into a healthier mindset. Be willing to receive help and invite the people in your life to be a loving support if you need it!

6. Help someone. Our natural state is one of loving generosity and well-being. Extending support to another can be a great heart lifter in reconnecting us to our spirit.

7. Do something that brings you joy, makes you laugh, and feeds your spirit. A few months ago, my buddy Anita Pathik- Law and I were talking on the phone and we started laughing. The kind of laughter that turns into side-splitting laughter that continued for over 6 minutes. It was hilarious. She recorded it and if I ever need a boost, all I have to do is play it and I start laughing!