Category: Communication Skills

Whoever spent time as a child on a school playground and been the victim of name calling knows the deflective phrase used to counter those slurs, “sticks and stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me,” isn’t enough to overcome the impact of those bullying communications to youthful, developing ears.

The messages young children hear in those early years often become part of their psychological makeup for years to come, and sometimes lead to visits to therapists as adults.

Related: Hearing Aids for all ages

This is just one example of the power of words. Words are powerful, very powerful. Words are much more powerful than an old, worn out, and just plain inaccurate communication model proclaims.

What has become known as the Mehrabian Myth espouses that “words” only amount to 7% of the meaning of a communicated message, leaving tone and body language making up 93% of that message’s meaning.

If you’ve ever done any sales training or leadership communication training since 1972 you’ve probably learned the communication model about which I am writing. It’s the model that shows the three key components of any communication and the respective contribution each proclaims to bring to the meaning of any message:

Verbal (words) = 7%
Vocal (tone) = 38%
Visual (body language) = 55%

If this were to be true I could have attended Carmen at the Metropolitan Opera in New York City as I did last November, and understood 93% of the plot and the individual character’s stories without reading the subtitles on the screen in front of me. I couldn’t. Neither could you.

Words are tremendously important.

Yet this communication model, which began in 1967 with two psychological studies reported in the Journal of Consulting Psychology and the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, respectively, and was loosely reinforced in 1971 by research conducted and reported by Professor Albert Mehrabian, Ph.D. of UCLA in two books he published titled Silent Messages and Nonverbal Communications.

These studies are not the culprit of the misguided applied meaning of this research. If the research and related commentary is reviewed one learns that these studies never proclaimed their findings were to be broadly applied to general and regular communication in all situations between human beings.

It seems the more accurate meaning of this research has been usurped and twisted so often, by so many sources; it is impossible to identify the genesis of this skewed meaning. One of the big perpetrators is the NLP industry (Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a philosophy and model for personal and professional transformation effectively used in the coaching and personal development industry), of which I am a member.

I used to teach this 7%-38%-55% communication model, although never truly felt comfortable with it. Amazingly, audiences never challenged me on it and continued to buy it. Even reinforcing the model telling me how important body language is to the meaning of a message.

I’m not arguing that body language and the visual component of a communication is not important. And, based on my personal experience I truly believe that tone may even be more important that body language.

What I’m espousing is that the Mehrabian Myth model places too much importance on body language and tone. What is needed is a model that will more accurately reflect the attention that people on both sides of any communication can feel comfortable applying so there are fewer mis-communications in the world.

In my white paper titled, The 7 Deadliest Sins of Leadership & Workplace Communication, I stress the importance of specific communication. A “Lack of Specificity” is one of those 7 Deadliest Sins. One of keys to specific communication is to be certain our communication is congruent between the verbal, the vocal and the visual components.

Congruency doesn’t necessarily mean equal. Congruency means the appropriate level of each to accurately get the message across. The most important thing to remember in terms of this model is that it really all starts with “words.”

I’d like to propose a new model and a new way to look at this that is totally unscientific but comes from many years of being a human being communicating with these three components daily, and as a business coach and consultant regularly working with business leaders and their teams to improve communication every day.

That new model would look like this:

Verbal (words) = 50%
Vocal (tone) = 30%
Visual (body language) = 20%

This model gives significant and appropriate weight to words because words can inspire, words can motivate, words can de-motivate and words can destroy. It also offers appropriate emphasis to the other two key components.

Anthony Robbins, one of the most well known motivational coaches in the world offers a communication philosophy called “Transformational Vocabulary.” He teaches the power of changing the negative, hurtful words we use in our self-talk into empowering, positive words that will make us, and others, feel better and be motivating. A simple example is shifting the word “problem” to “situation,” “challenge” or even “opportunity.” He teaches this because words matter.

Tone and body language matter, too, just not as much as the Mehrabian Myth has mistakenly promised us for the past four decades.

If you’d like a practical and immediately applicable approach to improving communication in your organization at the highest levels of leadership down to your frontline customer service personnel, go to the HowToImproveOrganizationalCommunication website and download the free white paper The 7 Deadliest Sins of Leadership & Workplace Communication.

About the Author

Skip Weisman is The Leadership & Workplace Communication Expert. Skip works with the leaders and teams in small to medium sized businesses and not-for-profits to improve communication, collaboration and teamwork in a way that delivers champion level results. To get started on improving your organization’s communication download the free report “The 7 Deadliest Sins of Leadership & Workplace Communication,” available at www.HowToImproveLeadershipCommunication.com

Article Contributed by Jeff Beals

At the beginning of 1991, Marshall Faulk was a wanted man – wanted by many of the nation’s most prestigious football schools.  He had just finished a stellar senior season as a star high school player in New Orleans, and college coaches were camped outside his front door 24/7.

Faulk had a rough childhood, growing up in one America’s most notorious housing projects.  As a youngster, football was his passion.  From an early age, he was good at the game and caught the eyes of several college scouts.  Recruiters courted him as a junior, and by the time he was tearing up the fields as a senior, scholarship offers were pouring in.

As 1991?s National Signing Day drew nearer, Coach Tom Osborne and his staff at the University of Nebraska were high on Faulk and confident he soon would be wearing the Huskers’ scarlet and cream.  After all, Faulk liked Nebraska.  So did his mother, his guidance counselor, and even his English teacher, who had a great deal of influence on him.

During an in-home visit, Osborne sensed he made a connection with Faulk and his family. As an experienced recruiter, Osborne knew when personalities “clicked” in a player’s living room. There was no doubt in the coach’s mind that Faulk felt good about Nebraska. In fact, Osborne admits that he thought it was almost a done deal – Faulk was practically on his way to Lincoln, Neb.

On National Signing Day, Marshall Faulk signed with San Diego State University, far away from and far less prestigious than the many football powerhouses that were courting him. Osborne was surprised.

“It turned out we had been recruiting him as a defensive back, which most people had,” Osborne said. ‘But Marshall deep down always wanted to be a running back.”

Of course, SDSU told Marshall they would be delighted to have him play running back, but with his blazing speed, Nebraska would have loved to have him in its backfield too. Faulk had the talent to excel on either side of the ball.

“Although we had been thorough, and we had done our home work,” Osborne said, “we hadn’t asked him a key question: ‘Marshall, which side of the ball do you want to play on?’  That’s why it’s really important to do a lot of listening.  I think we could have had Marshall Faulk if we had just recruited him as a running back.”

The rest, as they say, is history. Faulk flourished at SDSU, running for 1,400 yards and scoring 23 touchdowns in just his freshman year. During a 13-year professional career, Faulk amassed 12,279 rushing yards and scored 136 touchdowns, some of the most impressive statistics in NFL history.

Surely, it must have been frustrating for Husker coaches watching Faulk’s career from afar, knowing they came so close to signing him. It’s a feeling that haunts many coaches.

It’s a feeling that business people deal with too. Like football coaches, professionals must listen carefully to their “recruits” – their clients. How many deals does a salesperson lose, because he or she talks too much and doesn’t respond to what the client really wants? How many star employees does a hiring manager miss out on, because he or she doesn’t truly listen?

So remember, always ask your clients, “What side of the ball do you want to play on?”  Then listen carefully to the answers.

About the Author:

Jeff Beals is an award-winning author, who helps professionals do more business and have a greater impact on the world through effective sales, marketing and personal branding techniques.  As a professional speaker, he delivers energetic and humorous keynote speeches and workshops to audiences worldwide.   You can learn more and follow his “Business Motivation Blog” at www.JeffBeals.com.

If you’re one of the thousands of heart-centered and conscious entrepreneurs, getting your message out into the world in a big way is important to you. In fact, it might even be the reason why you started your business in the first place.

The problem, of course, is how. How do you get your message out into an already crowded marketplace? How do you make sure you’re getting your message in front of the people who so desperately need to hear it?

That’s what I’m going to walk you through today — the 3 main keys to getting your message out into the world in a REALLY big way so you can make the difference you were put on this Earth to make.

1. Make sure your message is crystal clear. In fact, the clearer and more specific the better. The more general it is, the less impact you’re going to make.

Consider this — “I am a healer” versus “I provide spiritual healing to entrepreneurs as they step into their own power as an entrepreneur.” Do you see the difference? The first one could be for nearly anyone and because it could be for nearly anyone it has no meaning. The second one is far more juicy and it gets much of that juiciness from being specific.

Now, you might be thinking to yourself “I don’t want to be too specific because I may turn some people off from my message.” First off, if someone is turned off from your message, they probably aren’t open to it in the first place. And second of all, even though it sounds counter-intuitive, the more specific you are, the more you’ll stand out. (Don’t believe me? Go back and read those two statements again.)

2. Make sure you’re crystal clear about who you’re trying to reach. Again, the more specific you are, the more likely you’ll cut through all the clutter and reach the people who really need to hear your message.

You don’t have to reach everyone — just the ones who need your message. In fact, trying to reach everyone is a determent. All you’ll end up doing is NOT cutting through the clutter and not making the difference you’re meant to make.

Believe me, there’s more then enough of your ideal clients to keep you very busy for years to come, so just focus on them and don’t worry about the rest.

3. Make sure you’re consistent with your message and you repeat it frequently. You’re an entrepreneur. Which probably means you’re a little (or a lot) ADD. Which also probably means you’re going to get tired of your message long before you’ve made an impact in the marketplace.

Look, your ideal clients, the ones who need to hear your message, are not going to get tired of hearing it because:

A: They aren’t living in your business so even you’re most rabid fan is only going to hear your message a fraction as much as you are

B: Your ideal clients are busy people and won’t hear your message unless you repeat it often.

So you need to do two things — resist the urge to “tweak” your message as you get bored with it (and especially resist the urge to redefine or remake yourself every six months or so, that’s the fastest way to cause serious confusion in the marketplace). And make getting your message out there one of your top priorities. You should be marketing yourself and your message as often as you can and in as many different media as you can. That includes social networking, articles public relations, direct mail, speaking, etc.

Above all, don’t give up. It may take awhile to penetrate crowded marketplaces and make the difference you’re meant to make, but it IS possible — just as long as you follow these 3 keys and stay persistent.

Article Contributed by Mark Hunter

There’s no better way to improve the quality of information you receive from a potential customer than by asking short questions.  We all can recall far too many times when we’ve sat across the table from a customer we’re trying to help – and we know we can help, if they would just provide us information about their needs and goals.

The problem is that no matter what question we ask, we get the same response: a big fat “I don’t know” (or something along that line).  Then, almost without thinking, we put on our super salesperson cape and start telling the person everything they need.

Unfortunately, when it comes to agreeing to the sale, the person turns cold. Our problem in dealing with this type of customer is we need to find a better way to engage them and to get them to think about what they want and need – and then share that information with us.

The answer to this dilemma? Short questions. I believe that short questions get you long answers (while long questions get you short answers).  What too often happens is we are talking to a customer and asking them what we believe are simple questions, but in reality, those questions are simple only to us. To someone unfamiliar with our product and services, the questions are complex.

For example, we ask a question that has a couple of facts wrapped up in it. As a result, it winds up being more of a statement for which we are simply looking for feedback or agreement. No wonder customers can give us the cold shoulder and the blank stare.

What we want to do is ask short questions. In their simplest form, they are questions like “why” and “how.” Or possibly they look like this: Could you give me an example?  Could you explain that again to me?

The shorter the question, the more likely we are to get a long answer. The next step is to ask them another short question, following up on what they just said.  The beauty about this is it allows the customer to do all the talking. By doing the talking, they’ll tell you their needs and desired benefits. They’ll tell you their goals and will reveal a level of information you need to determine how to best serve them.

When using the short question approach, there are only two things you need to remember.  First, ask the customer a soft easy question to which you know they’ll respond. Then after they have given you a response, continue with the short questioning approach by asking, “Could you give me another example?” You then pause and allow the client to give you more information, upon which you follow up again with another short question such as, “How?” or “Why?” Basically, you want to do whatever you can to get them talking more.

The second rule to remember is to not keep asking  the same short questions. If you do, you’ll come across as an inquisitive 3-year-old rather than the professional salesperson you know you are.  You can avoid this best by picking up on a single item they shared with you and drilling down on just that one item.
When you drill down on a single item, you demonstrate your listening skills and your ability to truly discern information.  The beauty of this approach is when it works, the customer will many times share with you exactly what they want and will begin asking you questions about features and benefits.

Short questions get you long answers.  Long questions get you short answers. It is up to you as to the approach you want to take, but if you want to actually learn something about the customer’s needs, you will get there quicker by asking short questions.

About the Author:

Mark Hunter, “The Sales Hunter,” is a sales expert who speaks to thousands each year on how to increase their sales profitability.  For more information, to receive a free weekly email sales tip, or to read his Sales Motivation Blog, visit www.TheSalesHunter.com. You can also follow him on www.Twitter.com/TheSalesHunter, on www.LinkedIn.com/in/MarkHunter, and on www.Facebook.com/TheSalesHunter.

Article Contributed by Jeremy Ulmer

“Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand.” ~Sue Patton Thoele

1. Be Present & Stay Focused. Stop thinking about what you are going to say next and focus on what the speaker is telling you. Be curious and ask follow up questions to learn more about what they are telling you.

2. Pause Before You Respond. Take 2 full breaths before responding. It will ensure the speaker is finished and give them space to share more. It will also help you control the amount of talking you are doing.

3. Refocus If Your Mind Wanders. If you start thinking about your next meeting, travel plans, or what you have planned for the evening, bring yourself back to the moment.

4. Summarize & Bottom Line The Key Points. Play back to the speaker the key items you are hearing to ensure you are capturing the essence of what is being relayed to you. Make sure to take notes of these key items so you can revisit them as needed later in the meeting.

5. Focus On Listening & Understanding Versus Judging & Opinion. It is natural to want to share your 2 cents right away, or to be making judgments in your mind about what you are hearing. However, that is not focused listening. Stop yourself from doing this by placing your attention on learning, listening, and understanding. Ask open ended questions that begin with “What” to stay focused on listening and understanding.

6. Use Your Intuition. Whether you are on the phone or in person, you should be listening not only with your ears, but with your intuition as well. Notice the speaker’s breathing, tone, pace, and energy. There is a lot of information to be gathered and the more you pay attention to your intuition, the more effective your listening will be.

7. Never Talk Over Anyone. If the speaker is talking, simply wait your turn. Do not try to interject, and if you do, catch yourself, and say, “Sorry, please carry on…”

8. Ignore Internal & External Distractions. Image you are in a bubble with the person you are speaking to and they are the center of your universe. Try it out and watch what kind of impact it will have.

9. Resist Telling The Speaker How You Handled A Similar Situation. Pause yourself from sharing your own input and experiences until you have fully listened to what the speaker has to say.

10. Relax. The more calm you are, the more information you will gather from the person you are listening to since they will be at ease with you.

About the Author:

Jeremy Ulmer is one of the most dynamic and requested sales experts in the country. His company specializes in working with sales management, individual sales performers, and sales organizations to transform their sales results. They deliver customized sales coaching programs and corporate sales training. Sign up for free sales tips and free sales webinars at: http://www.SalesCoachingHabits.com