Category: Communication Skills

In the moments before, you could hear a pin drop.

My heartbeat was thunderous in my ears; I could have sworn everyone could hear it.

My knees actually felt weak and my stomach was churning.

The little voice in my head and the devil on my shoulder were laughing really hard…at me.

They were saying that I was going to stutter, forget my words, sound really stupid and trip over.

They were telling me that everyone was so smart in that room that nothing I could say would be of interest.

They were asking me, who do you think you are anyway?

Sound familiar?

Have you felt like this?

It could be just before you wanted to say something to a group of friends…or before you get on stage to address a thousand people.

Stage-fright is one of the most common fears out there.  I think next to death, we fear speaking in public more than anything else.

So what can you do?

Here’s a suggestion you may not have heard of before.

Tell a Story.

You might be saying, whatya’ mean tell a story? Who wants to hear a story? Well, the funny thing is, everyone loves to hear stories.

And when you have a great story to tell (and you know how to tell it!) then it’s a brilliant way to break down your fears and your nervousness about opening your mouth in the first place!

And you don’t have to be an actor.

You don’t have to be a professional Storyteller.

You just have to be human. You see, we are all Storytellers and we are constantly telling our stories but most of the time we don’t even notice.

Once you start paying attention to your own stories and to the stories that are being told all around you, you’ll be amazed!

You can simply choose a story that caught your attention; a story that means something to you and tell it.

You’ll be astounded how it lands for your audience, whether it’s one person or a hundred.

When you tell a story, you will instantly create interest and engagement.

It gives you time to catch your breath and then deliver the information you are there to deliver.   The story is the perfect answer to those nerves, to that anxiety before you speak.

And the little voice, the pesky devil – they hate stories! Once you tell a good story, they can’t whisper their poisonous words anymore.

You feel confident and secure, you know your worth and you can say and do anything!

Isn’t it worth it to tell a story?

What helps you get rid of those pre-speaking nerves?

Daily someone sends something to us that promises to get our message out there and insure we are heard above the competition for our customers’ attention.

It reminds me of trying to quiet my two-year-old daughter’s department store tantrums by yelling. The only attention I received was louder cries and suspicious glares of child abuse.

Are you abusing your customers by yelling your company’s features at them?

Instead positively listen to your customers. Yes, it’s counterintuitive, but it grows your bottom line and that’s what you want, right?

Here are 3 Strategies to Positively Listen to Your Customers:

Physically Listen

My two-year-old daughter wanted my attention while I read the paper. After repeating, “Daddy, I want to tell you something” three times, she smashed the paper. I leapt from my chair to stare at her. Her reply was, “Daddy, I want you to listen to me with your eyes.”

What do your customers have to smash to get your attention?

Our customers want someone to physically listen. Sure, they’ll use live chat, but somebody better be there to pay attention and respond accurately, i.e., listen with their eyes.

Want to get your message out there? Put yourself in a position to physically listen to your customers whether it’s across a counter or a Twitter DM. You build an openness to communicate as you do.

Mentally Listen

There’s a great line in the movie, Pulp Fiction: “Are you really listening or just waiting to talk?”

You know when you’re on the phone and the person is multi-tasking. You can hear them typing an email or a text. An awkward pause when you ask a question.

You also pick up on the relative unimportance of what you’re saying when they start talking about themselves or their business features.

Your customers can, too.

Listen for how they say what they say. The excitement of a rapid speech pattern. The frustration in their tone of voice. Their hesitation in knowing what to ask.

Yes, you’re in business to make money so the conversation is about your profitability. Remember who gives you that money.

Listen and mentally focus on the customer. Make it about them. You build awareness as you do.

Emotionally Listen

So you’re physically positioned and mentally focused to listen. When it’s your turn, how do you respond?

By launching into a features-driven monologue about how great your business is? That’s like trying to have sex on the first date. Good for one night only and leads to buyer’s remorse.

The path to perpetual profitability for your business is paved with asking questions like, “What do you mean by ___?” and statements like, “Tell me more about ___.” Such open-ended invitations prompt your customers to reveal more, thereby building trust.

Trust is the ultimate currency of exchange. It’s more than transactional. It’s transformational.

As you respond with emotionally-engaged listening, you discover their desires and problems. Then offer your product or service as a benefit that complements it.

Your customers accept your offering and return with their family and friends.

Why?

Because you positively listen.

About the Author: 

Dr. Joey Faucette is the #1 Amazon best-selling author of Work Positive in a Negative World (Entrepreneur Press), coach, and speaker who help professionals discover success in the silver lining of their business and achieve their dreams. Discover more at www.ListentoLife.org/speaking.

Did you ever think, I can’t believe I said that?

It seemed to be a pretty simply question…but…

Do you find it difficult to talk about what you do?

You know you’re really good at it, but you struggle to articulate exactly what it is?

You are not alone.

I was at my first ever official networking event.

I had just set up as a Coach.  I had years of corporate experience and could talk about that pretty easily.  But I had no idea how to describe what I do now.

I sat down beside the one person that I knew.  He had introduced me to the group and assured me that it was a great place to meet new people and create new business opportunities.

My heart was pounding.  Everyone had a minute to introduce themselves.  At first I just kept thinking about what I was going to say, I could barely hear what others were saying.  I was terrified.  And quite sure that I was going to sound incredibly stupid!

Then I decided to simply listen to the others and hoped that that would inspire me to find what I was going to say.

And that’s when I noticed it.

That’s when I had this huge realization.

Most people in the room were quite uncomfortable and felt similarly to the way I was feeling.

They seemed to be really struggling to introduce themselves and a lot of what was being said was not very clear or enticing.

Then it was the turn of the young woman that sat 3 seats away from me.

She stood up, looked around the circle and with a huge, relaxed smile started to tell a story.  She was a therapist and she told the story of a couple who had arrived at her clinic in distress and how she had facilitated a real breakthrough for them.

I was immediately compelled to speak to her and find out more.

The story had completed drawn me in and I noticed that it stayed with me for quite some time.

In fact, over the next few months, as I attended the networking group on a regular basis, I noticed that it was the introductions that included a story that I remembered.  Not just when I thought about the group, but also when other people asked me for a recommendation.

Years have gone by since that young woman impressed me with her story.

Yet little has changed.

Wonderful and talented professionals everywhere struggle to tell their story.

It’s just not enough to be great at what you do; you have to be able to articulate it in a way that compels people.

Once you can tell your story, your ideal clients find you.  It makes all the difference.

So, what story are you telling?

How do you manage to talk about what you do?

 

“Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage,” wrote Publilius Syrus more than 2,000 years ago in ancient Rome.

Such wise advice from ages ago has never been more relevant. In the modern professional world, we are suffering from a listening crisis.

Actually, it’s a “lack-of-listening” crisis.

Whether your role is executive, managerial, sales, customer service or anything else, it is critically important to your success that you listen.

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood,” wrote Stephen R. Covey, author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Too often we get that order mixed up. We focus on being understood as opposed to understanding those with whom we live and work.

Ask any of the greatest salespersons or sales trainers what it takes to succeed. Chances are that “ability to listen” will be at or near the top of the list. Success in sales requires you to understand your prospective client before you can do any sort of pitching, convincing or persuading. The smart salesperson asks carefully crafted questions designed to drill as deep as necessary to find out what makes the prospect tick. Truly listening to those answers allows a salesperson to customize, or at least portray, the product or service in such a way that creates maximum appeal.

By the way, “truly listening” doesn’t mean you act like you’re in one of those cheesy “active-listening” workshops. Many people who have completed such workshops look like they are listening actively – they have an intense look on their faces, nod their heads and occasionally paraphrase what the person is saying – but they still don’t retain any of it. Active listening is much more about understanding than it is about facial expressions and head-nodding.

Super executive Lee Iacocca, former CEO of Chrysler, once said, “I only wish I could find an institute that teaches people how to listen. Business people need to listen at least as much as they need to talk. Too many people fail to realize that real communication goes in both directions.”

Iacocca’s statement reminds me of the old saying, “God gave you one mouth and two ears; use them proportionately.”

In other words, we should listen twice as much as we talk. I call it the “Rule of Thirds.”

Two-thirds of the time you spend talking with a colleague, client or a prospect should be focused on the other person. One-third of the time is focused on yourself.

“No man ever listened himself out of a job,” said former U.S. president Calvin Coolidge. Simply put, listening is one of the top skills required for professional success.

But be careful you don’t over-do it. Some people become so committed to good listening, that they become 100 percent “interpersonal givers.” In other words, they spend three-thirds of their time listening to other people. If you do this, people will tend to like you, because you allowed them to talk about themselves. However, if you fail to reserve your third, they won’t know anything about you or how your business can help them. Listen twice as much as you talk but don’t forget to pitch something about yourself.

Why is focusing on the other person so important? The answer is simple: most people are rather self-absorbed. Want proof? Here it is: I am my most favorite subject. My friend is his most favorite subject. You are probably your most favorite subject.

Saying “I am my favorite subject” sounds awful, but it is not necessarily a selfish or narcissistic thing to say. After all, I spend a lot of time working on my favorite subject. I have invested much in my favorite subject. The success or failure of my favorite subject determines the direction of my life and has a big impact on the people I care about. I sometimes lay awake at night worrying about the things my favorite subject has screwed up.

Most people are the same way.

If you show earnest, sincere interest in my favorite subject, I can’t help but like you. I can’t help but feel some sort of connection with you. Showing sincere interest by truly listening disarms colleagues and clients and paves the way for your success.

You might be wondering to whom you should listen. Who is worthy of your attention? Who deserves your best listening skills? That’s easy: everyone. You never know who has the right information for you or knows just the right person you need to meet.

Sam Walton, the late founder of Wal-Mart, once said, “The key to success is to get out into the store and listen to what the associates have to say. It’s terribly important for everyone to get involved. Our best ideas come from clerks and stock boys.”

When it comes to listening, remember to do it sincerely and remember that everyone counts.

About the Author:

Jeff Beals is an award-winning author, who helps professionals do more business and have a greater impact on the world through effective sales, marketing and personal branding techniques. As a professional speaker, he delivers energetic and humorous keynote speeches and workshops to audiences worldwide. You can learn more and follow his “Business Motivation Blog” at JeffBeals.com.

Article Contributed by Lynda-Ross Vega

I have several friends who send me interesting emails. You know the type, You Tube videos, jokes, stories – you probably get a few of these, too. Recently, I received one that got me to thinking about its message, which was “Change your words. Change your world.” It’s a message that really hit home for me, especially within the context of human Perceptual Styles.

How you perceive the world – how you make meaning out of what your senses experience – really does determine your world. This means that the words you choose to create meaning and share your experiences with others have a powerful impact on your life.

We’ve all experienced the positive effect of a few well-chosen words – the smile you get in return for a simple “Thank You”… the glow that accompanies a compliment.

But we’ve all also experienced a complete disconnect with one or more people over words that seem out of context, harsh, or “unnecessary.” The fascinating thing to me is that the value and impact of a word changes based on our view of the world, not just on our understanding of the word itself.

For example, I know what the words ‘always’ and ‘never’ actually mean – in fact, I doubt there’s much argument out there over the meanings of these two words. But I rarely use either of them and neither do most other people with the Vision Perceptual Style.

Why? Because to us, those words feel limiting, and people of the Vision style experience the world as a series of endless possibilities. In fact, Vision folks tend to find comments like “you never….” or “you always……” insulting or challenging when applied to them. That’s because they know that they don’t “never” or “always” anything – they respond to life as it unfolds before them, improvising as necessary to take advantage of opportunities.

But for people with the Methods Perceptual Style, “always” and “never” are simple statements of fact based on what is known from an individual’s past behavior – no future application is considered or implied. So from a Methods perspective, Vision people really overreact to a simple fact!

There are a million other examples of differences between Perceptual Styles when it comes to the ways we use language. Those differences have a profound impact on many aspects of our daily lives – such as what marketing appeals to us and what kind turns us away, and which leaders motivate us and which leave us shaking our heads- not to mention our relationships. As a coach with 30+ years of experience, let me assure you that a key source of conflict in our personal and work relationships is the disconnections that result from the words we use (in guidelines or memos, for example, or at home, during conflicts and arguments) and what they mean to all parties involved.

So the next time you get a reaction from someone over something you’ve said that surprises you, stop to ask what it might mean to them before you react. You’ll be amazed at the differences you’ll uncover and the conflicts you’ll avoid! When you change your words you really can you change your world.

About the Author
Lynda-Ross Vega: A partner at Vega Behavioral Consulting, Ltd., Lynda-Ross specializes in helping entrepreneurs and coaches build dynamite teams and systems that WORK. She is co-creator of Perceptual Style Theory, a revolutionary psychological assessment system that teaches people how to unleash their deepest potentials for success. For free information on how to succeed as an entrepreneur or coach, create a thriving business and build your bottom line doing more of what you love, visit www.ACIforCoaches.com and www.ACIforEntrepreneurs.com.