Category: Communication Skills

Today we’re going to talk about something a little more unusual!

No, we won’t be talking about crop circles. However, we are going to talk about a phenomenon that is just as rare but also just as impressive, and most definitely not a hoax:

Female speakers.

Many top public speakers seem to be male – and indeed, they are. If there are any feminists in the audience, hold the rotten eggs – I’m not saying that there aren’t any top female speakers, but it could also be because there are still less women than men in top positions of power or leadership, although the gap is closing.

But never fear: here are a few good examples of good female speakers – a politician, an academic, and a professional speaker. We’ll take a look three main things that each of them got right and what you as speakers (men too!) can emulate.

Hillary Clinton

She was in the running to be the President of the United States. Even now, she’s a potent force in US politics. Here’s a clip from her Texas debate with Obama.

Appearance:
She’s gotten a lot of flak over her appearance – heckled by journalists asking who does her hair, people whining that her pantsuits were too masculine, etc. But that’s because she’s a politician on the campaign trail, and anything is open to fire.

If you aren’t a politician, she’s actually a pretty good role model for how to dress to impress. I like this outfit – a black jacket but with a touch of color at the collar and the hems of her sleeves, which is professional without being too boring or severe.

Also, bling distracts your audience. So if you accessorize, be simple, like that plain gold band around her neck. Large, dangling earrings are the biggest culprits.

Use of anecdote:
Her story about the center for wounded soldiers is definitely a good use of anecdote. It plays to her audience’s nationalist sympathies while demonstrating her humility. Besides that, it gets in a good dig at her opponent when she says that she and McCain were invited as the ‘only two elected officials’.

Emotive language:
Most politicians do it, but I think she managed it particularly well here. Certainly well enough for her audience to give her a standing ovation. Her appeal to the concepts of ‘family and friends’ and her hope that every American person can have that are very personal in her context (‘I did not have sexual relations with that woman’, anyone?) and are brought across without sounding too rehearsed.

Helen Fisher

This lady isn’t quite as well known, so, a quick rundown: she’s an anthropologist who specializes in love: on the study of the sociological and scientific processes of love. An academic at Rutgers University, she is widely considered the leading expert on the topic.

Here, she delivers an intriguing 20-minute lecture on the effects of love on the brain, and weighs in on the social trends of women in the workforce and the aging population. And her public speaking style certainly doesn’t hurt her already interesting topic.

Appearance:
She fits the academic image perfectly. The black-framed glasses give her a scholarly air, and the black turtleneck and pants are relaxed without being too casual. Black adds a degree of seriousness, so while she isn’t intimidating, she doesn’t look intimidated either.

Tone:
Her speaking style suits the presentation well – it’s informative, but her variations in tone keep it from being dry.

She maintains a basic casual air throughout the whole presentation and inserts some droll moments of humor through tone of voice. For instance, she dryly quotes George Bernard Shaw, who said that love was overestimating the difference between one woman and another, garnering a delighted laugh from her audience.

These are examples of humor that is not rip-roaring laughter but is equally effective at keeping your presentation lighthearted and engaging. They are well balanced with moments when she is entirely serious, such as when she describes love not as a series of emotions but as a drive in certain centers of the brain.

Voice:
Women’s voices are naturally pitched higher than men’s are. Which means that if a woman’s speaks fast, it’s more difficult to hear her than if a man speaks faster. Also, higher voices have a higher chance of sounding shrill. So be careful.

Fisher has a good alto speaking voice – well-modulated and pleasant to listen to. Besides this, she keeps it firm and enunciates her words clearly and slowly, which will help a great deal in speech clarity.

Patricia Fripp

As an award-winning, internationally renowned speaker and speech coach, Patricia Fripp has been in the business of public speaking for several decades now. This clip is from her keynote address at Toastmaster’s International.

Energy level:
Fripp starts talking the moment she walks out of the wings, without waiting to get to centerstage. It shows how much enthusiasm she has, and it surprises the audience and energizes them too, because energy is infectious.

Besides that, she moves around when she talks, utilizing the whole stage rather than simply standing in one spot. Movement also ensures that the audience’s eyes are following you rather than fixed on one point, which again helps keep them awake.

Gesture:
Fripp uses a whole range of gestures to punctuate her words and gestures. Throughout the speech, she is never still, but neither is she too theatrical. Rather, simple hand movements (such as the forceful side-to-side movement to emphasize the words ‘do not’) make her point best.

Because she’s constantly on the move, the gestures are natural. If you spend most of your time speaking and only make isolated moves every so often, you risk the gesture look stiff and rehearsed, especially if you’re nervous.

That being said, do not fidget. If you want to be constantly moving, as Fripp does, make sure each movement is intentional.

Structure:
Fripp herself mentions this: structure and content are absolutely essential to public speaking. The lack of a structure means that you’re not sure what you want to say, and if you’re not sure what message you’re sending out, there’s no chance that your audience is going to get it.

Fripp’s structure:
Introduction -> three main points: structure, content, style -> elaborate on each -> conclude

It’s foolproof, and definitely worth sticking to if you’re not sure of yourself.

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There are plenty of challenges that are specific to women, and even with the general concerns, women may have to interpret some aspects in a very specific manner. If you want more tips specific to women, here’s a possible resource:

The Woman’s Public Speaking Handbook (Paperback), by y Elizabeth J. Natalle (Author), Fritzi R. Bodenheimer (Author)

Eric Feng is the go-to guy if you want to learn how to impress your investors and customers through public speaking. For more tips and tactics that you can use immediately in your next presentation, visit The Public Speaking Blog.

“It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward!” – Rocky Balboa

I have never watched a single Rocky movie even though my room mate and dad are huge fans. However after Monday’s presentation by this phenomenal speaker, I will most likely watch ALL 6 of them. (Read on to find out why)

In the previous article, I shared about four best practices that the speaker adopted which got his audience – including myself – mesmerized and inspired almost immediately.

In this article, I am going to do a spin to five of the life lessons he has shared and show you how they can also be aptly applied to improving your speaking skills.

1. Embrace failure as a wonderful thing

Personally, this advice is new to me. I have heard about how we should always learn from our failures and also the importance of falling forward (thanks Darren!). However, I never hear anyone encouraging me to fail. Not even my parents. Perhaps this is because there is a huge taboo attached to failing. And failure is usually associated as something negative and embarrassing which causes people to avoid vehemently.

However, on second thoughts, the speaker is right. Failure is a very good thing and should be embraced. When you fail, it immediately feedbacks to you what doesn’t work and what works. The same principle applies to self-evaluations.

Admittedly, I learnt the most when I made mistakes. The more serious it is, the more memorable the lesson becomes. For example, how I embarass myself in front of 800 people while delivering a nuclear energy speech at high school. This incident alone has provided me with the impetus to improve in my public speaking skills. And the drive was so great that it gave me the courage to compete internationally. So were the other champions of life, like Rocky.

So my friend, if you have not failed enough in your public speaking, please do so AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. And please do so intelligently. You won’t want to fail at your most critical presentation or in front of your boss, will you?

Hence the best way is to increase your stage time, which gives you more opportunities to take risks. (for eg, trying a new technique or speaking on a unknown topic)

And when you fail, learn and improve. When you succeed, relish your victory and then take another risk. The more chances you give yourself to fail, the more opportunities you give yourself to grow.

For those of you who have failed a lot and are still defeated, I urge you to watch the Rocky video clip above. Failures are expected. Failures are necessary. What counts is not your fall. What counts is you PICKING YOURSELF UP. Remember it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward!

2. Remarkable people do the extremes

This was one of the observations that the speaker made after studying remarkable people for 20 years. Say Tiger Woods, considerably the best golf player in the world. He will practice ONE stroke for 12 to 14 hours! To us, this is crazy. But to him, this is merely a demonstration of his passion for the sport, a demonstration of his commitment to his skill. How many people have such discipline?

Another worthy mention is my mentor Kelvin Lim. He is by far the best coach I have ever met and also one of the best in Asia (FYI, he was awarded Master Certified Coach by the International Coach Federation, the highest recognition you can give to a coach) And yes, he was also one of the authors of The FAQ Book on Public Speaking. Unlike some coaches out there who get qualified just by attending a 4 day coaching program, Kelvin was trained for 12 years before he could even coach a real client. 12 years!

How about you? How can you go to the extreme in your pursuit to becoming a powerful speaker? If you haven’t been speaking regularly, how can you change that? If you haven’t been reading materials on public speaking, how can you change that? For those of you who have been consistent in your public speaking education, how can you take it to the next level?

Remember, true masters go to the extreme and if you want to be as powerful as them, you got to go to the extreme. Instead of spending one hour everyday studying public speaking, can you spare three hours instead? Instead of attending one Toastmasters meeting, can you attend one every week instead? Instead of just reading tips from my blog, can you commit to a coaching program that gives you the opportunity to see results in a shorter span of time? If you have yet to see MASSIVE growth in your speaking ability, chances are you have not walked the extra mile.

3. Kaizen without limits

Kaizen is a Japanese word that represents continuous self improvement. Again, masters make this lesson a daily habit. Tiger Woods, the best golf player in the world, spend hours every day perfecting his swing. James Galway, the flutist superstar, starts his day by playing the scales. Mark Brown, world champion of public speaking of 1995, is re-doing his basic speech manual that all Toastmasters start out with. These masters understand one thing. The only way to stay at the top is to keep working on their skills, even to the extent on training their basics.

There is a saying that if you find a field of interest and study it for a minimum of one hour every day, in five years time, you will become an expert in that given field! So likewise, if you ever want to become a powerful and impactful speaker, you got to start doing CONSISTENT work. One time-tested strategy is through daily damnits. The other is by making a commitment that you will learn at least ONE new thing that will help you improve your speaking skills.

Just one. It could be a inspiring quote you can use in your next speech. It could be an eye contact technique that you saw another speaker use with great success. It could be a success formula you learn here that you can apply in your next presentation. Anything. As long as it helps you move forward. Go the extreme, and kaizen without limits!

4. Don’t set goals!

Instead, set adventures for yourself! Goals vs. adventures. Which is more fun? Which is more exciting? Which is more promising? Adventures of course because of the positive connotation it comes with. So instead of coming up with singular goals like “become more confident in my next presentation”, inject some fun in your next “goal”. Combine a few goals together and design a story around it. What is the kind of impact you want to create for your audience? Describe in full details – what would you SEE, what would you HEAR, what would you audience SAY to you?

Setting an adventure also means that there is no hard and fast rules on how to get there. In fact, there are infinite ways to get there and you should explore as many of them as you can. It’s like how you explore a new city. It becomes boring when you rely on a map because you never get to have random encounters which may prove more meaningful. And while you are at it, enjoy the journey.

5. Always choose the path of least resistance

Human beings are motivated by two things – avoidance of pain and enjoyment of pleasure. One of the reasons why you are reading this blog is because you hate losing face in front of people and you want to get rid of the possible embarrassment. There may be some of you who are passionate about public speaking and hence you like to find out new strategies of approaching public speaking. Either way is fine. However if you are here for the long haul, I suggest you pick the path of least resistance.

This is especially so for people who are fearful of public speaking, for whatever reasons. Instead of getting stuck with these reasons, I suggest you do this – associate something pleasurable to public speaking. If you are someone who loves to grow (pleasure), remind yourself that no matter how bad it turns out, there will always be a lesson to mine and this will keep your nerves in check. If you are someone who loves attention, this is going to motivate you to spend more time sharpening your tongue (even though you hate the long hours involved). If you are someone who aspires to change the world, learning public speaking skills become necessary because words can move the world.

Take note, pain and pleasure are merely two ends of the same spectrum. So instead of getting stuck with all the pain and misery, switch gears and get yourself acclimatized to the possible pleasures of speaking in public. In time to come, you will love the art. I am a living proof.

(There is another version to this lesson, check it out here)

So there you go, FIVE powerful lessons that will ensure you speak at your best. Let me summarize.

1. Embrace failure as a wonderful thing
2. Remarkable people go to the extremes
3. Kaizen to the limit
4. Do not set goals, set adventures instead!
5. Always choose the path of least resistance

Finally, here’s a fun exercise for you to get involved in.

It will only take about 10 mins but chances are, you will enjoy it so much that you will keep going.

Here’s the exercise.

Take a blank piece of paper and start writing down what you want to achieve in the domain of public speaking. You can apply this to other parts of your life too. What would you write down if whatever you write will come true? What would you write down if you can start afresh?

This is your chance to set an adventure for yourself. Tell me in full details and colour, what kind of speaker do you want to become? How do you want your audience to behave before, during and after your presentation? How do you want to feel each time you are up on stage? What do you want to experience when you are up there delivering your speech? What kind of impact you want to crate for your audience? If you get to choose three topics to speak on, what will they be? And if there are particular talents you will like to have as a speaker, what will they be?

WRITE THEM ALL DOWN… with no reservation. Watch your internal conversations. Notice how you sabotage yourself by telling yourself that what you wrote down is pure bulls**t, and they will never come true. Ignore these voices. They don’t serve you. Instead I want you to have fun generating them. This could be YOU if you let it.

Once you are done, read it one more time. Pick three things out of your wish list that you can start working on. Incorporate the five lessons that I just shared with you. Most importantly, TAKE ACTION.

I repeat, TAKE ACTION.

It could just be doing ONE thing everyday. That’s good enough. The rest will take care of itself.

See you at the top!

Eric Feng is the go-to guy if you want to learn how to impress your investors and customers through public speaking. For more tips and tactics that you can use immediately in your next presentation, visit The Public Speaking Blog.

This article is contributed by Karen S. Sieczka
In the business world, it pays to listen and know how to ask the right questions. Miscommunication and misunderstanding can lead to problems… unhappy customers, lost sales, excess inventory, misunderstood instructions, shoddy work, and disgruntled employees … all influencing your company’s bottom line.
Face-to-face communication is still the foundation of many business relationships and good listening skills are an essential part of this communication. Listening skills can open doors and build working relationships. Use verbal cues, eye contact, and positive body language. Draw out information by asking open ended, non-judgmental questions. Reflect what the speaker is saying by restating and reinforcing what is said and asking for clarification if it is not clear. This reassures understanding for both parties. People feel more important when they perceive they are being heard.
A good listener can build trust, empathy, and understanding by practicing and improving listening skills. The ability to listen and actually hear what is being said is becoming rare as we spend more at our computers. Good listening makes for more open communications and prevents many problems before they start.
Here are some simple tips to improve your listening skills:
1. STOP: When someone talks to you, stop and give your full consideration. Focus. When you give your undivided attention, people feel they matter.
2. USE ACTIVE LISTENING: Show you are interested by your body language, using verbal cues, and making eye contact. Make sure your listening to talking ratio is 2:1; listen twice as much as you talk.
3. ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS: Draw out information by asking open ended questions such as: “Why do you think that is?”or ” That’s interesting. Can you tell me more?” Don’t just ask yes or no questions.
4. RESTATE AND REFLECT: Reflect what the speaker is saying by restating what was just said in your own words. Ask for clarification if you are not sure. This reassures understanding for both parties.
5. PRACTICE SKILLS BEFORE PROBLEMS ARISE: The time for improving listening skills is before there are problems. By building a foundation ahead of time, communications flow more freely during times of crisis.
Karen S. Sieczka is a training consultant and founder of Growing Great Ideas.com. Her latest training program is Growing Great Ideas: Unleashing Creativity at Work. The program generates ideas, enthusiasm, and teamwork and can be customized to address particular organizational issues or challenges. She is also writing a book Growing Great Ideas: Unleashing Creativity at Work. The book will be in print in September 2008.

Here are 7 steps of communication, if applied, will allow you to develop your communication skills that can make you a master communicator. Communication can be likened to a step by step process of checking if you really understand another person from your point of view.

First, you need to listen and observe for the level of importance of this topic to the person you are speaking to and calibrate to that person’s level of interest. Calibration is so important when communicating, that if you are unable to calibrate or identify whether or not that person is interested, you might just lose that person straight away.

Second, check congruence in communication. What do I mean by congruence? It means that if he says, “Yes.” verbally, he shouldnot be shaking his head, “No.” That is incongruence.

Number three is to identify incongruence in communication. We need to clarify meanings and terminologies used. This is for a simple fact that we need to understand what the other person means exactly.

Number four, we need to confirm those meanings. So, if someone said, “Oh! When you look at me, you appear to be extremely angry.”What you need to do is to confirm, “Oh! How exactly do I look atyou that mean that I am angry?” The confirmation actually gets you the common understanding that both of you need that will propel your communication to the next level.

Number five, explore alternative meanings. What you are doing hereis eliciting a series of counter examples, to see whether thesemeanings fit in with the person’s model of the world.

Number six, offers possibilities. If there are no alternatemeanings, what you might want to do is explore possibilities where one thing could mean something else. This is also known as reframing.

Number seven, summarize your personal experience in communicating with this other person, by starting off and saying, “My experience of you is” and so on. This way, both of you understand each other,and nothing is hidden from each other. It is perfectly honest and direct.

We say that communication is a two way process. This means that communication requires clarity to both parties. Until you understand what I am saying, or until I construct my communicationin a way that makes you understand me, we need to ask questionseven more effectively to reach our win-win outcome. These 7 steps are useful and can be applied anytime we are communicating with another person.